


Someone to you

by JCMadGirl



Series: Follow you [2]
Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drinking, Fighting, Friendship, Hurt John B, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JJ is a good friend, JJ is lowkey pining, John B Needs A Hug, Nightmares, Swearing, This boys are a fucking disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24038572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCMadGirl/pseuds/JCMadGirl
Summary: When Big John disappears at sea, John B starts slipping.**Or, John B can't take care of himself, so JJ will do it for him.
Relationships: JJ & John B. Routledge
Series: Follow you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1734061
Comments: 11
Kudos: 223





	Someone to you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends, I'm back with another sob story.  
> This story is part of a series, but also works as a stand alone, so you don't need to read the other one.  
> As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!  
> Love you all.  
> Song: Someone to you by BANNERS

_ [ _ _ The kingdom come, the rise, the fall _

_ The setting sun above it all _

_ I just wanna be somebody to you.] _

_ [And if the sun's upset and the sky goes cold _

_ Then if the clouds get heavy and start to fall _

_ I really need somebody to call my own _

_ I wanna be somebody to someone _

_ Someone to you _ _ ] _

JJ has known John B for a long, long time. 

JJ remembers it clear as day, that first day of third grade, when this random kid with floppy hair sat down beside him during recess. 

(No one ever wanted to sit with him, because JJ was always bruised, clothes worn out, hanging on his tiny frame.)

(Anyway, he digresses.)

John B sat down with him, and shared his red toy car with JJ. 

The rest is history.

So yeah, JJ has known John B for a long time. 

He knows his favorite meal (grilled cheese with ham), his favorite beer ( Grain Belt Premium if he’s feeling fancy, whatever else in most cases) and his favorite shirt (a hideous green thing with an even uglier hawaiian print, that luckily he grew out of last year.) 

He knows his favorite song (that changes every two weeks or so), his favorite movie (it’s Terminator, because he has shitty taste like that) and his favorite color (light blue, basic ass bitch.)

(Yes, he's aware light blue is the color of his eyes.)

(No, it doesn't mean anything.)

He knows John B sleeps on his right side, facing the door, because he used to wait for his father to come in to say goodnight. He knows John B is allergic to bees, and that one time he got stung and almost fucking died. 

He knows John B likes to sing when he showers, he knows when he lost his virginity (14), he knows he used to sleep with a Nemo plushie up until he was twelve. He knows John B never folds his fucking shirts, throwing everything in the closet. He knows John B fucking  _ sucks  _ at math, but he’s scary good in Lit or History, because he’s that type of nerd. 

He knows John B plots escape routes of unlikely scenarios in his head because he likes to be prepared.

He knows John B can climb the big three in front of the Chateau in 23 seconds exactly.

He knows John B looks up at Big John a lot, and craves his approval like JJ craves food when he’s high. 

He knows John B would do anything for his friends, but also will literally push JJ off a cliff into the water many,  _ many  _ feet lower.

(It happened. JJ fell like a goddamn rock and then climbed all the way back to the top just to push John B.)

He knows the exact color of John B’s eyes (warm brown, lighter when he’s in the sun, with little specks of green), and his scent (home) (his weird ass shampoo, cedar and some other equally stupid fruit, mixed with weed and something sharper, inherently John B). 

He knows no one has swept the Chateau’s floors in like 7 years, but John B is a clean freak when it comes to dishes. The bread might have literal mold, but you will not find a dirty plate in the house.

He knows John B likes the sunrise better than the sunset, because it everything is quiet at sunrise, and it’s only the two of them, and the chaos of life is far, far away. 

He knows the face he makes when he falls in love (heart eyes and everything), he knows that he  _ hates  _ when people see him cry, and he knows how he looks everytime Big John leaves him to go hunt the gold (heartbroken, JJ hates it).

_ Anyway,  _ all this to say, that JJ knows John B better than he knows himself, and that he knows when he’s lying.

You see, JJ is a liar at heart.

The first lesson Luke taught him was to  _ lie. Lie  _ about how he got that black eye,  _ lie  _ about that broken arm,  _ lie  _ about how he hasn’t eaten in two days because Luke spent every dollar on pills,  _ lie.  _

So yeah, he can call John B’s bluff in half a second. He doesn’t believe it for a second when John B says that ‘ _ yes, I’m fine’  _ or ‘ _ last night I slept like a baby _ ’ and ‘ _ I ate so much, I’m so full’. _

For starters, John B looks like a goddamn zombie, dark bags under his eyes. He looks exhausted, and his usual bright smile doesn’t really reach his eyes. He also lost weight, not much, but definitely some. 

JJ isn’t Pope, he’s not  _ smart,  _ but it doesn’t take a genius to guess that the disappearance of John B is starting to take its toll. He's slipping.

(Big John has been gone for almost two months now, the chances of him ever coming back are slim.) 

(Agent Perkins came by a couple of days ago to tell him just that, adding that they won’t stop the search, not yet, but he should be ready for the worst outcome.)

(It was rough.)

Anyway, if John B won’t take care of himself, then JJ will do it for him. 

**

“Honey? I’m home!” JJ yells, barging in the Chateau like he lives there, which he kinda does. John B is on the couch, scrolling through his phone. He looks up when he sees JJ, smiling.

“You’re an idiot.” He says. JJ winks at him.

“What’s for dinner, wifey dear?” JJ asks, grinning. 

“We’re in 2020, husband dear. Make your own fucking dinner.” JJ does just that, opening the fridge and ruffling through the cabinets for something edible. 

There’s frozen pizza, so JJ takes that out and start warming up the oven, grabbing a couple of beers. He hands one to John B. 

“How was work?” John B asks, making space for JJ on the couch. JJ pops his beer open. He had a shift at the Hotel this afternoon.

“Same old, same old. What did you do today?” John B shrugs, running one hand through his hair.

“Nothing really. Pope and Kie were here for a couple of hours. We went to the beach.” 

“How romantic.” John B snorts, rolling his eyes. “God, I’m starving.” JJ says, stealing a glance at him. He goes back to the oven, putting the pizza in. 

“Yeah, me too.” John B says, smiling. 

_ (Fake. Can’t lie to a liar, JB.) _

JJ takes out the pizza once the cheese has melted, putting it on a big plate. He cuts it into four slices and brings everything back to the couch. John B puts on some Netflix on his computer, and they sit in front of the small screen, shoulder to shoulder.

John B eats slowly, he’s barely halfway through his first slide when JJ has already gone through his two. 

He glances at John B, who is staring blankly at the screen. 

“That’s yours, JJ.” John B says, nodding to the remaining slice.

( _ Liar,  _ JJ wants to scream, tell him to eat his goddamn food, because he is just a kid, and  _ needs to eat.) _

“Nah, man, it’s yours. Eat it.” John B presses his lips together just a second, but JJ doesn’t miss it. 

(He rarely misses something, especially if it concerns John B.)

“Right.” He eats the slice, just as slowly as he did with the first one, and he looks like he might puke at any second, but he eats. JJ pats himself on the shoulder.

_ Baby steps. _

***

JJ makes sure he keeps eating. 

He tries to always be with John B when it’s time to eat, and when he really can’t for whatever reason, he makes sure he eats at  _ some point _ . 

It’s not easy. John B is good at distracting JJ, and JJ’s hyperactive ass zones out far too easily. Over the course of the next few days, it has happened more than once that John B has slipped his food to someone else (Pope, or even JJ himself) without them realizing, or straight up says he’s not hungry, or just avoids him entirely. 

Like right now.

He texted John B seven times to tell him he’s coming to the Chateau after his shift at the Hotel, and he’s bringing dinner. Tonight, one of the ladies in the kitchen slipped him some food, so they’ll be eating fancy and delicious ribs. 

(He’s sort of very excited, he doesn’t get to eat nice food all that often.)

But, when he gets to the Chateau, John B isn’t there. 

Let the manhunt begin, then. 

He gets back on his bike, calling Pope and Kie to check that he’s not with them. They both deny, Kie asks him if everything is okay.

(How do you tell your friends that your other friend is having a depressive episode and refuses to eat and/or sleep?)

The first place that he checks is the old church, ribs hanging precariously from the handlebars. He’s not there though.

Fine, next.

He goes to the beach, to their favorite spot, and sure enough, there he is, sitting on the sand, the water coming up to his feet. 

The sunset is throwing warm light everywhere, washing John B in gold. 

( _ Pretty.) _

JJ sighs, running one hand through his hair. He lights up a cigarette, going to sit down beside him on the wet sand. John B glances at him briefly, and JJ hands him a cigarette. He takes it. 

“Thanks.” 

They sit in silence for a second, and JJ has to fight to keep his mouth shut, instinctively wanting to fill the silence with meaningless words.

It’s not what John B needs though, so he keeps quiet. 

“How did you find me?” John B asks when the sun has disappeared behind the horizon. 

“You do realize we come here like everyday?” John B’s lips curl into a small smile.

“Right.” 

“I did check the Church first, though. My legs feel like jelly, I biked everywhere. I’m old, man.” 

John B snorts. 

“I brought dinner.” JJ says, patting the box with the ribs. John B glances at it for a second.

“Not hungry.”    
( _ I swear to God, John B.) _

“I had a feeling you might say that, but consider this: it’s ribs.”   
“JJ-

“Come one, man, you won’t pass out on ribs, will you?”   
“I’m just not really hungry.” 

“John B, eat your fucking food.” John B whips his head around to stare at him. JJ holds his gaze, glaring. “I will personally feed you by hand if I have to. You know I will.” 

John B is quiet for a minute, and JJ keeps glaring at him. 

“How did you even notice?” He asks. JJ blinks.

“You ain’t that slick, man.” 

“No one else did.” 

“Well, I ain’t like the others, yeah?” 

John B shakes his head.

“No, no, you sure as fuck aren’t.”   
“Thank you.” JJ opens the box, and is hit by the delicious smell of meat. “Cheers.” 

He doesn’t even pretend to not stare at John B as he picks up a piece. 

“Christ, it’s fucking delicious.” John B says around a bite. JJ snorts.

“Told you.” 

They finish quickly, and JJ lets him eat more than half. He needs it more than JJ at this point. 

“Better?”

“Yeah.” John B says, with a chuckle. “Christ.” 

JJ nods, lighting up another cigarette and bringing it to his lips. He blows out the smoke slowly. 

“Why are you doing this, John B?” 

( _ Who the fuck asks that? JJ you’re so fucking dumb sometimes- _

“I really am not hungry.” John B answers, and JJ whips his head around to stare at him. 

“How?”   
“I just- there’s this  _ feeling,  _ like, like- a rock, you know? Right in my stomach, and I just- I don’t know. I guess it might be the stress.”   
Losing your dad might have this effect, yeah.

(Not that JJ would know.)

(He wishes he did.)

_ (That was dark, okay.) _

“Thanks, JJ.” It comes a bit unexpected, and it must show on his face, because John B has to specify what on Earth he's talking about. “For lookin’ out for me.”    
“I didn’t do anything.” JJ says, frowning. John B shakes his head, smiling, like he always does when JJ is being stupid. He doesn't add anything else, though, so JJ just lets it go. 

He throws one arm over John B’s shoulder, leaves it there. 

“Don’t pull this shit again, John B.” 

“I won’t.”   
“I’m keeping an eye on you.”   
“Stalker.” 

***

Next problem, sleep. 

The bags under his eyes are bigger than Canada by now, and darker than petrol. 

JJ has taken to sleeping at the Chateau several times a week since the disappearance of Big John, and knows for a fact that John B barely sleeps.

(It also has the bonus point that he’s spending less time with Luke.)

No matter at what time he gets up to go take a piss, he always finds John B either pacing the room, or tossing in his bed, or staring at his phone. 

Time for a more direct intervent. 

Usually he sleeps on the couch, but he’ll hold John B down himself if he has to. 

Right now, they’re on John B’s bed, watching Netflix and drinking beers. It’s a good night, chill and easy, and conversation flows naturally. 

(Nights like these are JJ’s favorite, when they don’t have to worry about anything and they can just pretend to be normal sixteen years olds that have normal families.)

At some point, John B nods off, head thrown back on the pillows. JJ’s eyes are also about to close.

He moves slowly, doing his best to not wake John B. He turns off the computer, closes the light, and puts the blanket over John B’s body. 

_ Sleep,  _ he thinks, willing John B’s eyes to stay closed. 

He goes back to the couch and falls asleep in three seconds flat. 

He wakes up an indefinite amount of time later, when he hears John B’s quiet sob. 

(He’s always been a light sleeper.)

( _ Thanks, dad.) _

He gets up immediately, going back to John B’s room. He’s sitting on his bed, running his hands over his face and through his hair.

“John B?” He calls quietly, voice hoarse with sleep. It’s so late that it’s early.

“JJ?” His voice is shaky. Scratch that, his whole body is shaking. 

“What’s up, man?” John B tries to smile, and it comes out more like a frown. JJ sits on the bed with his legs crossed.

He wants to reach out. 

(He really doesn’t want to overstep.)

(He  _ really  _ can’t afford to mess up his friendship with John B.)

“Yeah.” He replies after a few seconds. “Sorry I woke you.”   
“‘s okay. I was awake.” He lies easily. JJ clears his throat, lies down on the bed. 

“What are you doing?”    
“Sleeping?” 

“You’re-

“John B, sleep.” 

“You’re doing it again.”   
“Doin’ what?”

“Lookin’ out for me.” JJ hums to himself, licking his lips.

His heart is racing as if he had just run a marathon. 

“Someone has to.” John B nods, and lies down beside JJ. 

He shouldn’t ask, JJ tells himself. He really  _ really  _ shouldn’t.

It’s none of his fucking business, first of all. Second, if John B wanted to tell him he’d have already. 

JJ was never too good at listening, not even to himself.

“What’s wrong, John B?” 

_ (His dad is missing, you stupid fuck.)  _

(JJ frowns, that sounded a lot like Luke.)

_ (Fuck off, dad.) _

“I just- I- uh.” John B stumbles through the words, which is sad, because John B is always so confident, so sure of himself and his decisions.

(He’s a natural leader, JJ knows that.)

(He’d follow John B to the end of the world and back.)

JJ doesn’t say any of that, instead he takes John B’s hand and intertwines their fingers together.

(His heart is about to fucking  _ explode- _

John B squeezes his hand, and JJ squeezes back.

(Jesus  _ fucking  _ Christ-

“I have this nightmare.” John B says quietly, but it’s deafening in the silence of the room. “It’s always the same.”   
“What’s it about?”   
“My dad. I see him drowning, and I- I dive in after him, but I can never reach him. It’s like the water is holding me back.” John B exhales a shaky breath, a shiver running down his body. “It doesn’t matter how hard I try, I never fucking make it.” 

(JJ once read that dreams have deeper meanings.)

(He wants to tell John B that he’s more than enough, that he’s ridiculously  _ good,  _ that he’s everything.)

(He’s JJ’s everything.)

(When did he become such a sap?)

He’s about to say something probably stupid, when John B speaks again.

“How do you- JJ, I- you have nightmares all the time. How do you, you know? Deal with it, I guess.”

JJ blinks. 

He turns to face John B, and in the darkness of the room he can barely make out his profile, but he knows John B’s face better than his own. 

“I come here.” He ends up saying without even realizing. 

( _ I come to you _ .)

There’s more silence, as JJ struggles to come up with something reassuring to say. He’s not cut for this, Kie would be much more useful in this situation. 

“I’m scared, JJ.” John B whispers, so quiet that if the room hadn’t been dead silent JJ would have missed it. 

“John B-

“I can’t even think about it, him being- I just can’t.” John B sits up and JJ mimics the motion. 

“John B.” He whispers, pulling him into a hug. John B lets out a choked sound, hiding his face into JJ’s neck. 

JJ holds him close,  _ closer,  _ runs his fingers through his soft hair, brushes his hand over his back. 

“It’s okay, John B, it’ll be okay.” John B is definitely crying now, shivers running down his body. JJ closes his eyes, presses his cheek over his head, and lets him cry. 

(It hurts to see him like this.)

(John B’s inherent brightness looks dull now.) 

“What if he’s dead and the last thing I told him is that he’s a shit father? Christ, JJ, I fucked up, I fucked up  _ so bad- _

“John B, stop.” JJ pulls back enough to look at him in the eyes. He rubs his thumb over John B’s cheek, wiping the tears away.

“It’s not your fault, okay?”   
“I told him-

“It’s  _ not.  _ And it will be okay, yeah? It’s going to be okay.” 

(And even if it won’t, JJ will be there.) 

(He doesn’t say that, though. He’s not  _ that  _ stupid.)

John B looks at him with glassy eyes, fingers gripping tightly at JJ’s arms and shirt. JJ keeps holding his face, stroking his cheek and his hair. 

“You’ll be okay.” He says.

“I’m so fucking tired, JJ.” He says, eyes flickering to the door of the room. “I keep hoping he’ll come back and I just- I’m  _ so  _ tired.” 

“I know.” 

( _ Please, don’t be dead. _ )

JJ pulls him in again, and John B exhales deeply against his neck, wrapping his arms tightly around JJ’s body. 

He keeps whispering into John B’s hair, a litany of  _ ‘it’ll be okay’  _ and  _ ‘you’re okay’  _ and  _ ‘i got you’.  _ John B eventually stops shaking, breath evening out, but JJ doesn’t let him go. It feels as if JJ is the only thing holding John B together. 

At some point they lack back down, JJ still holding him close to his chest, still whispering, John B still gripping at JJ like his life depends on it.

(Him.)

(It occurs to JJ that while John B is the only one who has never abandoned him, JJ is also the one who has never abandoned John B.)

(And he never will.)

“Thank you, JJ.”

“You got it, man.” JJ says. Outside, the sun is starting to rise.

JJ pulls the cover over both of them, curling around him, one arm slung over his side, face buried in his hair. 

“What if he's dead, JJ?” John B’s voice cuts through the silence again. “What if he left me too? I don't- I don’t want to be alone.” 

Well, that’s easy.

“I’m still gonna be here, John B.” John B nods again, relaxing minutely in his arms. Good, that’s good. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” 

John B huffs a quiet laugh. 

“Right. Thanks.”

JJ hesitates, then realizes he has already admitted many things tonight, might as well. 

“I’d never leave you alone, John B.” He whispers. There’s no way John B isn’t hearing his racing heart. “Someone has to make sure you eat.” 

“Right, yeah. Sorry about that.”   
“‘s okay. I’d never let you starve. Who would push me off a cliff otherwise?” 

“Idiot.” 

“Thank you.” John B huffs a laugh, and then he’s wiping his cheek and then he’s turning in JJ’s arms to face him. 

Suddenly he’s much closer, so close that JJ can feel his breath ghosting over his lips. 

_ Christ. _

(Get it together JJ, this is not the time.) 

(But it would be so  _ easy- _

“‘night, JJ.”   
“‘night, John B.” 

JJ closes his eyes and falls asleep listening to John B’s even breathing. 

***

It’s bad, it’s really fucking bad.

John B is drunk off his ass, which wouldn’t be weird if it wasn’t for what happened today. 

(Agent Perkins came around today, Big John has been gone for over three months, he’s being declared dead.)

(It wasn’t a good day, it’s been a shitty fucking day, in fact.)

_ (“John B we need to know if you have someone who can be a guardian for you- _

_ “Right here, ma’am.” JJ said, with a cheeky smile.  _

_ “JJ, you're a damn kid who barely has a guardian himself- _

_ “Ma’am, with all due respect, could we push this conversation to sometime next week? Give us some time to figure it all out?”  _

_ “Fine. I’ll be back.” _ _  
_ _ “Can’t wait, ma’am.”) _

(John B hadn’t said a word, just grabbed a bottle and started drinking and came to this shit party.)

(JJ followed.)

Anyway, back to the problem at hand.

John B got himself into a screaming match with that Kook asshole, Rafe, and JJ knows without a shadow of doubt that it will end in a fight if he doesn’t step in right now.

So he does. 

“John B, let’s go, man.” He says, trying to pull John B away. Neither of them is in shape for a fight, but John B doesn’t seem to care.

“Listen to your boyfriend, bitch.” Rafe laughs like he's the funniest fucking person.

“The fuck did you jus’ say?” John B growls, stepping up in Rafe’s space. He’s definitely swaying on his feet. 

“John B.” JJ hisses.

( _ Please, stop.) _

“I said, leave. Before you end up like your daddy.” 

That’s it.

JJ throws the first punch. 

Rafe stumbles back, nose bleeding, and then gets back up with a crazy look in his eyes.

_ Time to bolt.  _

He grabs John B’s hand and starts running in the opposite direction, behind him he hears Rafe and his friends’ insults, but he forces himself to keep running. 

(It’s not about him tonight, and he really needs to get John B out of here.)

John B stumbles behind him, almost tripping on his feet while they run. 

JJ instinctively leads them toward the beach, to their spot, and that’s where John B sits, dropping like a dead weight.

JJ lights himself a cigarette.

“What the fuck was that, John B?” He growls, glaring at him. John B ignores him, eyes closed. 

“Look, I know today has been shit, but you can’t-

John B is on him in a second, moving far too fast for someone who has drunk has much as he has. 

His eyes are red and rimmed. 

“ _ I can’t, _ what, JJ?” John B grabs the front of JJ’s shirt, pushing him up against a palm tree. JJ swallows hard, heart racing. 

“John B-

“You don’t understand, JJ.” John B growls, eyes dark, fist tightening his grip on JJ’s shirt.

(It’s entirely too familiar, it makes JJ’s hands shake.)

_ (Please, stop, please- _

“John B, he’s been gone for three months.” JJ whispers, but he might as well have screamed given John B’s reaction. John B lifts one hand and JJ closes his eyes on instinct, bracing for the hit, but it never comes. 

Instead, John B’s fist crashes on the palm tree, right beside his head. 

JJ exhales, ignoring his shaking hands. 

( _ Fuck, fuck, fuck- _

“Don’t  _ fuckin’  _ dare, JJ. He's not dead. He's  _ not.”  _ John B growls, eyes glassy as he stares hard at JJ.

And really, what’s he supposed to say to that?   
“Yeah, yeah, okay. He’s fine, they just- he’ll come back, yeah?” John B nods, deflating completely. 

JJ hesitates for a second before pulling him in, and John B crashes against him, face hidden in his chest. He forces himself to take another deep breath, and starts running his fingers through John B’s hair. 

“He’s not dead, JJ, I know it.” John B’s voice comes muffled, cracking a bit. JJ nods, one hand coming up to touch the back of John B’s neck. His hands are still shaking.

_ (Get your shit together, fucker.) _

“He wouldn’t do that to me. He  _ wouldn’t.”  _

“It’s okay, John B. I know.” 

It’s highly inadequate, given the situation, but John B seems to appreciate it anyway.

(JJ is not made for this, but he’ll be damned if he leaves John B alone right now.)

John B doesn’t cry. He just leans against JJ, letting him support most of his wight, and JJ is quite happy to hold him up. 

At some point, they sit down on the sand, but JJ doesn’t let go of him. It’s quiet, the only sounds coming from the sea. 

“I’m sorry, JJ. About all that.” 

“It’s okay.”   
“I saw you, I- I’m sorry.” JJ shakes his head, John B’s breath warm on his neck. 

“I’m fine, John B, it doesn’t matter.” He says, and he feels John B tensing up. John B pulls back to look at him, and JJ forces himself to meet his eyes, stormy and dark and scared. 

“John B-

“I couldn’t do it without you, you know?” He says, and JJ forgets how breathing works.

(Is breathing even really necessary? What if he just died now?)

(He wouldn’t mind, not if those are the last words he hears.)

(Sap.)

(It would be so  _ easy,  _ to just  _ lean in,  _ and-

“You’re lucky I'm not leaving then, yeah?.”   
( _ Never  _ leaving-

John B huffs a quiet laugh, then a low sigh, and then goes back to rest his head on JJ’s shoulder. 

“It’ll be okay, John B.” JJ says at some point, while the sun is rising. John B nods, his skin golden in this light. 

(It brings out his freckles.)

JJ stands up, pulling John B with him. He puts his hands on his shoulders, letting his eyes trail over his face. John B offers a small smile, eyes shining.

( _ Please, God, let him be okay- _

“Let's go home.” JJ says, and John B follows. 

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh guys, thank you all for those who commented. Please know that even if I don't reply (because I'm awkward) I still read all of them!   
> <3


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